That one time I gave online dating a second chance.

Well guys. It’s official.

I started the process of online dating again. This time will hopefully yield greater results than last time, but who knows what will actually happen.

You can read about my previous online dating experience Here. Trust me. You’ll want to read it.

I decided to join a month ago and I recently joined Bumble a week ago. So far my approach has been very different than my last online dating venture, which I think we can all agree is probably a good thing. This time I’m only going to go on dates with guys who I actually think I’d be a good match with rather than serial dating everyone. That being said, I haven’t actually gone on a date yet 😂.

While browsing both and Bumble I’ve noticed a few things that are both hilarious and frustrating.

Here’s what I’ve noticed so far.

First, I’ve noticed Bumble has more guys that I would want to date, but after matching with them, our conversations die off very quickly. I can only assume this is because the next match is just a swipe away. It’s easy to be distracted on this site because it feels good knowing there’s someone else out there that finds you attractive. It’s like a little high you feel when you get a match, ya know? I’m guilty of this distraction as well, so I’m undecided on how I feel about bumble.

Second, is completely different. I get “matched” with 12 guys a day and I’ll be honest. Not one of them have I been interested in. I have my age limit set to 37 and I get matched with 50 year olds…. i don’t get it. I just want match to be better and actual match me with guys that fit my criteria. But maybe I just haven’t explored enough.

Another thing I’ve personally noticed is I feel like a lot guys on these dating sites are doing their profiles all wrong. If I could give some advice to guys on how to better their own profile here’s what I’d say.

*disclaimer: These are MY personal thoughts. So you might disagree. Actually you’ll probably disagree.*

Guys, stop putting your height as a selling point.
Look. I get it man. Girls tend to prefer taller guys. I’m not an idiot! So I understand that your height might be a really good selling point to some, But if that’s all you’ve got going for you then that’s sad. Dazzle us. Show us your personality!! I mean, at least show me you know how to write sentences. Simply listing your Occupation and height is just not enough for me. When I see that you only wrote your height down I assume you have nothing else going on. Boring, I’m bored!

Stoooop with the Mirror selfies without your shirt on flexing in the bathroom. Just stop. I’ve asked a lot of girls their opinion and No one likes it. Want to post a photo of you shirtless flexing? Great. Go to a beach or pool and have a friend take a photo of you. Or take a photo of yourself at those places. Just don’t do it in your bathroom. Also if you INSIST on a bathroom selfie please remove the pink adult tooth brush next to the blue toothbrush from the photo, if I see this I’m going to assume you have a girlfriend.

You know what. No. Just stop with the bathroom mirror selfies all together. Shirtless or clothed they just don’t work for dating sites. Those types of photos are reserved for Instagram stories not dating profiles.

Also, no one wants to see Photos of random things that don’t include you in the photos. So photos of scenery, Movie posters you like, or photos of just your pets by themselves need to go. We want to see photos of you!! Youre like wasting my time with that stuff. I know I know You’re probably thinking, “Lauren it’s so hard, I don’t have any photos of me. I’m a dude. I don’t ever take photos when I’m doing fun cool stuff. And it’s weird to ask my friends to get a group photo.” To that I say Find a female friend, coworker, family member, or hire someone to take photos of you. Tell them privately you need decent photos of you for your dating profile. Most girls will love the idea of helping you and even give you the honest feed back that’ll help you look your best. In fact ask me. I’ll help you!

I feel like this should go without saying, but please don’t post photos of you at your wedding with your ex wife cropped out. Again. I get it. You don’t have many photos of yourself but at least find a wedding photo where we don’t see your ex wife’s wedding dress in the corner of the photo!

This one also seems obvious to me but apparently it needs to be said because of the frequency of profiles Ive seen with this..but for real…I really don’t want to see Photos of you holding a gun in every photo. EVERY. Photo. ?!?!? Don’t get me wrong. I personally don’t find gun ownership unattractive. But by the looks of your profile I’m going to assume you carry one everywhere you go and I personally wouldn’t feel safe going on a first date with you knowing you could at any point pull a gun on me. Don’t be a dummy. Think about what you’re portraying in these photos and how ladies will be interpreting them. Majority of girls already feel a little uneasy meeting up with someone on a dating site so please don’t give us another reason to not want meet up with you. Also. Don’t bring a gun to a first date.

The last thing that bothers me a little is the lack of engaging information in most guys “about me” sections.
Here’s what is listed in most guys profiles.
“Hey. I never know what to say here. I don’t really like talking about myself but I’m just a normal guy looking for an HONEST caring sweet spontaneous girl. Communication is huge for me. I don’t like games.
I love my family, friends, my dog and would do anything for them. 6’3″. ”

I don’t even know why I read half of the profiles I come across. There’s nothing wrong with them, they’re just all the same. And boring. So if I were to give advice to someone about their “About me” section I’d say: Stand out! Write something that showcases you, something clever, funny, authentic. It’ll go a long way!

Or don’t. Because What do I REALLY know! I’m the one who’s single!!

So now You’re probably wondering what I have for my about me section…and it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t share with you what I have written so to be fair and to charm you with my creativity here’s what I have:
(My profile picture)

Well hello there!
Online dating is exhausting isn’t it? It’s like a full time job looking through all of the people on here. So to make this less exhausting for you. I’ll let you know why you should date me!

Lauren’s resume:
Objective: To find love so we can build a future and family together.

First off I’m pretty entertaining. I love talking and connecting with people and it’s easy for me to find something in common with just about anyone.

Second, I’m very self sufficient and independent. I love working hard for everything that I have and find great joy in being able to do things myself. Most guys I’ve met find this trait unattractive since they don’t feel needed. But isn’t being WANTED better than being needed? I think so!

Third, I’m passionate about family. I know. I know…Everyone says they love their family so this isn’t what makes me unique, but it needs to be said! Family is HUGE for me. I’ve been fiercely loved by my family and I hope to show that same love to present and future family.

Skills and achievements:
I’m a kickass mom, I enjoy hosting get togethers, being adventurous and exploring new things, dining out, and I love a good bonfire. I also own my own house, car and business which I think is pretty darn cool.

Matt (Gay best friend) says: “Lauren is Fun. loves to laugh and try new things. Goes above and beyond in everything she does and is creative and outgoing. Fierce smize. Bomb hair.”

Anonymous says: “Lauren is Beautiful, Confident, Fun”

Katie says: “Lauren is one of those people who can turn lemons into lemonade. Her strength is something I’ve always admired and think it is what makes her such a great friend.”

Katherine says: “Lauren loves to have fun and bring people together! She a hardworking dedicated mother to the cutest kid on Earth. All her friends love her gorgeous smile and caring nature. She’s creative, independent, and She’ll add a lot of fun to your life. But make sure you reward her with love because she deserves it more than anyone else I know.”

Reasons why you shouldn’t date me:
So as to not waste your time, here are few things that are deal breakers for me.
⁃ I have a son, so if you don’t want kids I’m not the right one for you. I also want to have more kids so if you are done with the baby stage in life I’m also not the girl for you.
⁃ I’m here to find love so if you’re just looking to date with no end objective then I am not the girl for you!
⁃ I believe in God and that is a big part of my life. If you don’t believe in religion, that’s totally fine, but we probably wouldn’t be a good match.

*End of profile *

Is it cheesy? Yep!
Is it something different? You betcha.
Will it work? Who the heck knows.
Should you show this to your single guy friend who would be perfect for me? Absolutely 😂😂

What are your pet peeves about online dating profiles? I’d love to hear what guys hate about girls profiles.

That’s it for now!


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