Don’t be confused, I’m not actually engaged

WARNING::: The post you are about to read may make you think I am engaged, but I am not. I repeat I am NOT engaged.

Last week I got to cross off another task from my bucket list.

Try on a wedding dress at Kleinfled’s

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Many of you guys reading this might not understand my fascination with gorgeous wedding dresses, but I love a good, high quality, unique wedding dress.

I guess it makes sense when you photograph 45 wedding dresses a year you might develop a slight obsession with them.  So,  as you can imagine, trying on a dress at Kleinfeld’s Flagship store in NYC would be something I’d actually want to cross off my bucket list… Especially after watching more episodes than I’m willing to publicly admit of the show, “Say Yes to the Dress.” They carry the most Expensive,  Gorgeous, Fashionable, Current, and Amazing wedding dresses in the industry. They literally have thousands of dresses in the store.

Crossing this off my bucket list was going to be quite easy and enjoyable… or so I thought. Little did I know it was going to involve a lot of prep work and even more lies.

First I had to make the appointment weeks in advance… Then I had to come up with a fake maid of honor, fake fiance, a fake proposal story, a fake ring, fake wedding location, fake wedding date, and fake budget.

The Fake Maid of Honor: My Bestie, Justin, joined me yet again for another bucket list adventure. He also played the role of “Man of Honor” for my wedding and did a fantastic job. He took photos for me and also told me when I looked like a princess or when I looked like a college girl going to a toga party. Literally that was what he told me when I walked out in the second dress…..hahahha oh Justin.

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The Fake Fiance: Thankfully I’m still single. lol seriously, imagine you’re a guy and you ask your girlfriend what she did today and she said, “Oh I just tried on expensive wedding dresses at Kleinfeld’s. No pressure or anything.”

If I was dating someone and told them that, they’d probably break up with me on the spot and then tell all their friends that I’m the crazy ex girlfriend who tried on wedding dresses before she was engaged. I’d forever be known as the wedding crazed ex-girlfriend. He’d tell his grandchildren about me and they’d all laugh and laugh about the insane girl pop-pop dated.

So yes, thankfully I’m still single, but I also needed someone to be my fake fiance. Since I wanted to have photos to show my consultant if she asked to see him,  I decided my Biffle, Matt, would be the best candidate. Not only do we look amazing together in photos (His good side is the opposite of my good side, we’re selfie perfection), but I also had a lot of photos of us together so the relationship looked authentic. I really wanted to cover my bases, so I literally created an album of photos of us together on my phone and had them ready just in case she asked to see him!

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And before you start asking me why I don’t just date Matt I’m just going to stop you right there. He’s not really into my type…..

The Fake Proposal: This I left up to Matt. I sent him a text one day and asked him if he were to ever propose to me how would he do it.  Now get ready….THIS is how he would have proposed:

“Every year my friends and I go to this party called Fete en Blanc. It’s a pop up dinner where everyone wears white and the location is a secret until the day before. It’s tradition that we all go together, but this year Matt, my fiance, couldn’t get off work. I was a little upset, but I understood that sometimes work has to come before play. So I made plans to meet with our friends and go without him. Every year our group goes all out. We dress fancy, we go above and beyond with flowers, decorations, and food! It’s actually quite magical. Anyway while we were they we start drinking, eating, dancing. Literally we are having the best time ever and then the band stops playing and announces that they have something super special planned. Everyone starts moving around and turns towards the stage. At this exact moment I’m actually kinda pissed because I was really getting my groove on and I didn’t want the party to stop. But my mind quickly changed once I saw my Matt walk on stage wearing all black! He has a microphone and he starts saying how much he loves me, how he couldn’t imagine life without me, and then he starts walking towards me, gets on one knee, and then asks me to marry him. I don’t remember the rest because I was crying my eyes out, but apparently I said yes, jumped into his arms and then we slow danced to our song while everyone circled around us.”

Yes I rehearsed this story many times. Yes I faked cried while telling it. Yes I nailed the delivery when telling it to Caroline (My Kleinfeld Consultant)

The Fake Ring: Finding a legit fake wedding ring proved to be harder than I was anticipating. Thankfully Macy’s fine jewelry department pulled through for me and I picked up the fanciest ring I could find for $15.

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The Fake Wedding Location, Date, and Budget: This was stuff I wasn’t planning on talking about so when Caroline asked me these questions I had to think quick on my feet!

Wedding date: December 2016 or Winter 2017. My reason? I’m a wedding photographer and I wanted all of my friends who are also in the industry to be able to join me in celebrating so I wanted to pick a slower wedding month. Phew. Nailed it!

Next!

Location: I literally made up a place called,  “The Lounge”. In my head it was a white brick industrial building that had a lot of character to it. It is a new hip venue that was going to be finished in the fall of 2016. Caroline loved it! “You can do a lot of fun things in a space like that.” I couldn’t help but giggle after she said that.

Next!

Budget: This is where I really messed up. I stupidly said my budget was $8,000. Which sounds like a lot…. and it is. But Seriously,  What the crap was I thinking??? This was my ONE chance to try on ridiculously expensive dresses. They’re not running a credit check on me, they don’t know what I can and can’t afford! So why didn’t I tell them my budget was unlimited?!? I’ll never know. This may go down as the biggest mistake of 2015 for me. Seriously. I’m still super pissed.

I’m mostly pissed because I saw some amazing dresses at the store, but sadly I didn’t get to even try them on because they were way out of my budget. Stupid budget.

here are a few of the dresses I tried on.

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While I was trying on $8,000 dresses telling Caroline all about my fiance, my wedding, and my proposal I realized a few things.

– I’m really good at lying. lol. I literally lied to her for about 2 hours…. And she Believed it. I actually felt really bad about this so when I got home I wrote her a thank you note for being so amazing and included a tip. I wasn’t sure if they worked off of commission, but I knew for a fact that I wasn’t buying an $8,000 wedding dress. So I pretty much wasted 2 hours of her time. She honestly treated me like a queen, so she deserved a little thank you and of course money because no one should do their job for free ☺️

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– I am super picky. I had no idea I would be so opinionated about dresses. Maybe it’s because I see so many different dresses that I wanted mine to be unique, or maybe I was picky because I didn’t actually do any research on dresses that I would want to try on. But I literally  didn’t try on a single dress that screamed, “The one” I was kinda sad I didn’t LOVE any of them. The one I liked, but I felt like I could rock that to a normal fancy event…not my own wedding!!

– I better start saving. I’ve done the calculations. I could get the dress that was out of  my budget if I save $200 every month for the next 8 1/2 years. That seems totally realistic.  LOLZ

In all honesty, I had a blast trying on dresses at Kleinfled’s, but I would NEVER spend that kind of money on a dress in real life. I couldn’t even afford my fake budget of $8,000. I guess I should probably lower my standards a lot so if I do ever get married I won’t be let down!

You know what? Maybe I’ll have a nude wedding instead…. it’s in my budget, It’s definitely unique, and I’m sure everyone would be talking about my wedding for a long long time. 😉

-Lauren Fisher

ps. Again…. I am NOT engaged.

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One thought on “Don’t be confused, I’m not actually engaged

  1. LOL You are too much Lauren. I can just picture you doing this…the actress in you just emerges whenever you need her. Danielle would have been a great made of honor for you…she totally could have pulled off the whole story with you.

    Like

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