That Time I Did Online Dating


If you’ve made it to your mid 20s without getting married chances are you have or at least have thought about online dating. I mean it’s 2015, if you didn’t meet the love of your life in college you’re probably going to meet them online. I can say that with some accuracy because I get to hear peoples love stories all the time because of my job, and if they didn’t meet at college or high school, or work, they met online. It’s just facts.. lol

I’m not sure why, but 2 years ago (when I started online dating) there was still this negative stigma that went along with online dating. Like you were a second class citizen if you HAD to meet the love of your life online. Or like you were the leftovers from a mediocre dinner from two nights ago.

Clearly not me…

Thankfully that stigma has passed and people now think it’s weird that you met  someone for a drink before you stalked the crap out of them on every social media platform available. “OMG you went on a date with a guy before knowing everything possible thing about him?? How do you know if you’re going to have anything in common. How will you casually bring up something because you know he likes it??? Seriously? HOW???”

Lets be honest Dating in this day and age is weird. It just is. I’m not saying it’s bad or good…it’s just totally different than 10 years ago. Scratch that. It’s just totally different than 3 years ago.

Now before I share my personal experiences of online dating I want to let you know that I haven’t gone on an online date in over a year. And it’s not because I had a life threatening experience, or any other huge horror story you can imagine. You’ll find out why I don’t online date anymore after reading this post.

There was a solid 18 months of my life where I actively did the online dating thing. It all started because my sister decided to rudely abandon me one summer so she could go explore the wondrous wilderness for 40 days. I wasn’t used to having her gone, so I needed something to occupy my time. I was single and hungry so I figured online dating would kill two birds with one stone.

And I can honestly say I have never gone on so many dates in such a short amount of time, and I can honestly say I have never had that many free meals in such a short time period. *Side note: I’d always offer to pay half, but they almost always insisted that they pay.*  I think I had 2-3 dates a week for 8 weeks straight while my sister was gone.

As you can imagine I met TONS of different guys….I met guys who still lived with their parents, guys who worked on cars, guys who owned golf courses, guys who could have given me a ticket for driving my car without inspection. I honestly had to keep a notebook full of notes about each guy so I could keep track of it all. And as I’m Typing this out I’m realizing that this is making me seem like a desperate crazy serial dater. which….I kinda was at the time. I even developed a method for my dates.

THE METHOD: I’d talk to my potentials for a couple days online and determine if they were 1st date material. Which, most guys on the dating websites were actual creeps just trying to get girls to send them nudes….yeah. They like actually wrote very vulgar gross things, so I could see why some people have  sworn off online dating all together. In the midst of those a-holes I found some gems who were worthy of a 1st date with the one and only me.

Once we set up a date we would exchange phone numbers and we would meet for our first date. If I got to choose the place, I would always choose Annie Baileys… I wanted to keep things consistent so if down the road one of these guys worked out and he asked me if I remembered our first date I could say without a doubt, “Yeah annie baileys…duh”  and look like the best girlfriend ever.

Now if you haven’t dated me you wouldn’t know this, but I like to think I’m a good first dater. I ask a lot of questions, I keep great eye contact, I laugh at their jokes if they’re funny, and I usually have a lot of random stories that will keep their interest. I don’t even look at my phone in front of them!!

Honestly 1st dates never make me nervous.

If the date went well I’d give them a hug and a kiss on the cheek and say, “We should totally do this again.” and then I’d text them when I got home saying it was great to meet them blah blah blah and we’d pick another day to hang out.  If the date didn’t go well I’d give them a hug and say “Tonight was fun. Thanks so much.”

bahahah Just kidding. That’s what I should have said if I wasn’t interested. But I didn’t… Instead  I’d say ” We should totally do this again”  and then never text them again because I’m not great at telling guys I’m not interested. I’m a terrible person. lol

Most of my first dates were decent, or at least as good as they could be for being a first date, but some were just awful. One date in particular was so bad that I ended up just asking him questions and then after he was done I would share my answer too because he “wasn’t good at coming up with questions” I could have died when he actually ordered a second beer. Did he honestly think that I wanted to interview him for another 20 minutes?? This isn’t the Oprah Winfrey show.

Now, If the guy got to a second date we would go somewhere new and chat about deeper things and not just the normal first date stuff like…”What do you do? where did you go to school? where do you love to travel? How many kids are we having. When are do you want to marry me…”  You know normal stuff.

This is where most guys failed for me. They didn’t give me enough to intrigue me. So sadly this is where most guys stories ended with me.

Out of all the guys I dated 2 summers ago only 2 guys actually made it past the 2nd date test. Only 2 guys dazzled me enough to keep me interested. Obviously they didn’t work out in the end, but that’s not the reason why I don’t like online dating.

The reason I hate online dating isn’t because of the stigma or because of the creeps that would send me very very inappropriate stuff, It’s because it’s honestly exhausting.

Keeping track of everyone was a task!!…..writing clever emails, quirky texts, remembering their job, where they lived, their age!! Then on top of that you had to free your calendar 2-3 days a week while still keeping your social life going. Just thinking about it right now makes me anxious.

Once 2014 hit I decided I was done with it all. I wasn’t sure if that was a forever statement or just a temporary thing, but here I am 18 months later still annoyed at the thought of online dating.

I can’t say that I’ll never ever do it again because I’ll probably get bored at some point and want something to occupy my time, but in the meantime I’m just enjoying meeting guys the old fashioned way even if it means I hang out with them before reading their whole Facebook timeline.

Actually I’m totally lying…. I’ll be reading their Facebook timeline, while browsing their instagram account, while my friends read his tweets. What do you think us girls are actually doing in the bathroom?? *Thank God for iPhones*


The Assassin.

(that was my online dating profile name….because I shoot people for a living….lol GET IT???)


3 thoughts on “That Time I Did Online Dating

  1. Ok I rarely ( maybe 4 times rarely) read blogs bc I’m easily board… but this amused me all the way through!!! Your adorable. And I am so in love with your profile name…. assassin… ha

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I totally got a kick out of this, Lauren! When I did online dating site, I saw that there were men twice my age stalk my dating page and got inquiries from guys half way around the world…weird. But I did find a great guy from (the hubs!) so hey, things happen 😉 May everyone who has used or will use online dating take note to this blog! Love your dating profile name, too.

    Liked by 1 person

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